Jeremy Clarkson Shares an Unexpected Personal Update — and It Shows
JEREMY CLARKSON had a secret health scare – checking out of a luxury wellness retreat to have a cyst removed from his back.
The Sun’s star columnist was so miserable during his stay at a spa resort, alongside girlfriend Lisa Hogan, that he elected to push his operation forward by a week.
Ahead of a new series of ITV juggernaut Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?, the now fighting fit presenter has had the all-clear.
Jeremy, 63, said: “I had a 5cm cyst, which is now not a cyst any more.
“Lisa took me to a health farm and, well, it was so miserable there that I thought, ‘I’ve got to have this cyst taken out at some point, I may as well go now’.
“So I checked out of the whole place and checked into hospital, because it was more fun having an operation than eating juniper berries all day long.
“As I lay under the surgeon’s knife, I thought ‘this is preferable’.
“I did actually lose a stone though — mind you, half of that was probably the cyst. But it wasn’t cancer. It was never going to be cancerous though — I wasn’t in the mood.”
The popular presenter had the op in October, having the near-tennis ball-sized cyst removed under general anaesthetic.
According to Dr Google, cysts are sacs filled with air or fluid, and can form on any part of the body including bones, organs and soft tissues.
Most are benign, but spinal ones usually develop on patients aged over 50, often as a result of general wear and tear.
Kumbaya festival
During his “miserable” health farm stay last year, Jeremy was given nil by mouth — bar vegetable juice. Alas, coffee and alcohol were also banned.
Writing about the experience in his Sunday Times column, Jeremy — who says he goes for “annual health MoTs where they tell me I don’t have cancer and then off I go again” — detailed: “I was given a glass of something called wheatgrass.
“Now, I’ve eaten grasshoppers and tarantulas, and I once had a seven-day egg, which had a bit of beak and an eye in it. All of those things were pretty awful.
“But nothing — nothing — gets close to the gut-retching dreadfulness of wheatgrass
“The day wore on and soon I wanted a drink. And then I wanted lunch. So I repaired to the communal dining room — the worst three words in the English language — and was given a beaker of celebrity juice. Which wasn’t a drink. Or lunch.
“It was all lost on me. I’d rather spend a week with Greta Thunberg at a kumbaya festival.”
The star, who once suggested the secret to a healthy life was a long lunch, may not be renowned for his gazelle-like athleticism, but is now on something of a health kick.
When we speak — him in the Caribbean, me in my less sunny spare room-cum-makeshift-office — he’s midway through Dry January. A Dry February follows.
Does he feel better for it?
“No, I’m knackered all the time and the worst thing is I just cannot sleep. And then when I do nod off, I have ridiculous nightmares,” he huffs.
These include, he reveals, one in which he dined with former Newcastle football star Joey Barton.