The Beast of Diddly Squat: Clarkson and Cooper Attacked Again as New Bull Remains Unbroken

It has been one week since a massive black bull arrived at Diddly Squat Farm, and so far, the score remains: Bull: 2, Farmers: 0. In a dramatic update from the Oxfordshire estate, Jeremy Clarkson and Kaleb Cooper have reportedly been attacked for a second time by the latest addition to their livestock, proving that some members of the farm family simply refuse to play by the rules.

A Week of Failed Diplomacy

The initial arrival of the bull seven days ago ended in a trip to the hospital, leaving Clarkson with a minor concussion and Kaleb with a broken arm and cracked ribs. Most fans assumed that after such a violent introduction, the pair would keep a respectful distance. However, the relentless demands of a working farm mean that the animal still needs to be fed, monitored, and integrated—tasks that have proven nearly impossible.

Yesterday morning, during what was supposed to be a routine feeding session, the “Beast of Diddly Squat” struck again. Despite Kaleb working with a heavy cast on his arm and Jeremy still nursing significant bruising, the duo attempted to enter the pen to deliver winter fodder.

The Second Strike

Witnesses on set for the filming of Season 6 described the scene as “pure carnage.” The bull, which had spent the last week pacing the perimeter of its enclosure with visible agitation, did not wait for the gate to fully open. As soon as the scent of the feed hit the air, the animal charged.

Jeremy, whose severe hearing loss has recently become a major safety concern, reportedly didn’t hear the initial snort of the bull. Kaleb, hampered by his restricted mobility, tried to pull Clarkson back, but the bull’s sheer momentum sent both men sprawling into the mud.

“It wasn’t a playful nudge,” a production insider revealed. “This animal is territorial and clearly hasn’t acclimated to the ‘celebrity’ lifestyle of the farm. Jeremy ended up pinned against the feeder, and Kaleb, god bless him, was trying to fend off a half-ton of muscle with one good arm.”

A Farm in Crisis

The repeat attack has sparked a serious debate about the safety protocols at Diddly Squat. While the show thrives on “chaos,” the reality of two injured men facing off against an aggressive bull is no longer a laughing matter.

• Jeremy Clarkson: Already struggling with a “silent world” due to his hearing decline, Jeremy’s reaction times are visibly slower.

• Kaleb Cooper: As the backbone of the farm, his physical injuries are a massive logistical blow. Farming with a broken arm is not only difficult—it’s incredibly dangerous.

Experts in bovine behavior suggest that the bull may be suffering from extreme “transport stress” or simply possesses a temperament unsuitable for a high-traffic environment like Clarkson’s farm.

The “Harriet Cowan” Factor Returns

With Kaleb and Jeremy both physically compromised, rumors of a temporary replacement have intensified. Fans have once again begun calling for the return of Harriet Cowan, the capable contractor who has stepped in before.

“Jeremy and Kaleb are currently a liability to themselves,” one local farmer commented. “You can’t farm a bull like that when you’re half-deaf and one-armed. They need a pro who is 100% fit before someone gets seriously killed.”

What Happens Next?

The future of the new bull remains uncertain. Usually, an animal that attacks humans twice in a week is deemed a liability and removed from the farm. However, Clarkson is known for his stubbornness and his desire to “make it work.”

As construction continues on the farm shop and filming for Season 6 ramps up, the “Beast” has become the primary antagonist of the year. Whether Jeremy and Kaleb can finally tame the creature—or if they’ll be forced to admit defeat—is the question currently gripping the Cotswolds.